Stoutonia

Issue date: 9/18/08 Section: Opinion

We’ve all heard that awkward line before: “You’re a great person, I’m just not really ready for a serious relationship right now.”

After they confess their inability to commit, this statement is usually followed by, “But I enjoy what we’re doing, maybe we can do it without the commitment part, you know, like…friends with benefits?”

If I got a college credit every time I heard about or have been told this line, I would be graduating not just once, but many times over. It is my belief that these proposals are the ones that have forever ruined the significance behind college relationships. Romance has been long lost, as well as common courtesy, holding the door open for the one behind you and the “ladies first” policy. Of course, there are exceptions, but why does something which at one time society deemed mandatory has now been made into an exception?

What is even more appalling is the amount of people from each gender group who are willing to settle for this because they think that there is nothing better out there for them. Everyone is doing it and it is better than being lonely, so why would anyone want anything more than an emotionless hook-up, right?

WAKE UP! There are far too many fish in the University of Wisconsin-Stout’s sea to be settling for less. It is time to face the fact that you deserve better.  You are so much more than that eleven o’clock at night call, and you are certainly worth more than that 7 a.m. walk of shame. If you are not good enough to be seen holding someone’s hand in public, taken out to eat, or introduced to the person’s friends, then the person is not good enough to take up space in your living quarters. Any excuses such as, “It is not a good time for me,” or, “I would like to keep my options open,” are red flags that you are dealing with a person who has commitment phobia and, assuming that you are looking for something more, you should
run, not walk, away as soon as your heart allows you.

Now, this is no overnight transition.  Everyone must slowly learn how to wean themselves out of these relationships. As disappointing as it is, these types of relationships can take months to get over. Typically, when you think that you are at your best and have given up this unhealthy lifestyle, you receive that late night “what are you up to?” text from your past, or worst of all, on a Saturday night when you really have nothing else to do and coincidentally have the room/house to yourself. Most of us have been down that road and can attest that fate has a funny way of dropping in and crapping on our success. If you slip once in a while, try to get yourself back on the path that is healthiest for you but it is also helpful to realize these two  facts: 1) We are only human and make mistakes, and 2) The type of society we live in has caused us to become accustomed to this sense of urgency and convenience.

In a consumer-based society, “right now” and “convenience” are two very much sought-after terms. Is it any wonder that relationships are now starting to follow these same patterns? Everyone always wants a quick fix, a shortcut to the solution and something that is going to show quick results. We are so wrapped up in this “on-the-go” attitude that we start to conform not only our lifestyles, but our relationships into this mentality. Calling someone later has now become texting someone later. Love letters have become “thoughtful” emails, and a dozen roses are replaced with e-cards. Now I have nothing against takeout meals, but since when is it okay to take your
relationship “to-go?”

We need to slow down, we need to think and we need to realize that we are worth more than being someone’s disposable Kleenex at the end of the night or on weekends. Relationships are a powerful bonding between two people and deserve to be respected, not made a mockery of. Take time through dating and realize that things can be different - we just have to work a little harder for the benefits in life.

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